Women come to me frequently for low libido and sexual dysfunction. Yes, it can be hormone related and yes there are illnesses or medications that can totally kill libido. More commonly there is a self love issue. That is when it gets really complicated!
81% of women and 43% of men report some form of sexual harassment or assault in their lifetime.
Healing Sexual Dysfunction
Both women and men often have their own lasting wound for various reasons but for this blog, let’s focus on women. Our sexuality and anything related is extremely personal and is a foundational safety issue for anyone! In the hippie world, this relates to the sacral and root chakras which are related to safety and sexual vitality. Those who have been violated sexually almost always have years, if not a lifetime to overcome that primal wounding. If you have fear and trauma related to this, we highly recommend various therapies to include hypnotherapy, EMDR, brain spotting, somatic experiencing or whatever aligns with you and your belief system. Many people go on to have healthy sexual lives and it is best to work on your healing to enjoy the sexual vitality you want.
Loving Your Partner
Sometimes I find that women (quite frankly men as well) don’t either love their spouse anymore or they feel their spouse doesn’t love them. For great sex, it helps to love the person you are with or at least have amazing chemistry together. Go to individual AND marriage therapy to get to the bottom of this if you want to get past this quagmire. Marriage therapy often does not help without deep individual work. These generations are breaking generational traumas and conditioning like no other in modern history! Work on yourself and your marriage to get that wild abandoned sex!
Trust In Your Partner
Trust is key for adventurous sex and trust can be diminished in many ways. You can have your own personal trauma with cheaters (either partners or watching your parents) that keeps you from trusting your honest non-cheating partner or maybe your gut is correct that your partner is cheating. Unless you have the agreement to be polyamorous, then this lack of trust can totally ruin the libido and trust to explore. Also make sure you don’t agree to polyamory if you really don’t want to. Be true to yourself!
Loving Yourself
You need to love yourself. I find that women are their own worst enemy. Women are often ashamed of their body and they won’t even look at themselves. If you have stretch marks or scars from childbirth, I encourage you to look at your body in the mirror, naked and look at yourself and declare your love for this human body for birthing another human. Recognize with admiration the miracle that worked through your body. If you have loss related to scarring on your body, speak love to that part of you that taught you hard things but that you are still here strong and amazing! If you hate that flabby skin or that cellulite, just know that magazines are airbrushed and most people have that too. Tell your whole body that you love it and when you put lotion on after your shower, speak love through your hands into your body from your toes to your head! It is hard to feel sexually adventurous when you don’t love yourself. Remember that there is literally no one like you in the whole universe, yet God chose to make one of you to be here to do important things in this world. Get a mirror out and love yourself radically!
Bedroom Set and Setting
If your room is full of clutter and dirty laundry, it is hard to feel sexy. I encourage you to keep your room clean, avoid working in there. Avoid watching TV or anything stressful on your phones. If we are watching the stressful news that is meant to keep us afraid and angry, it will be hard to relax. Light some (non-toxic ) candles. Make your bed. Dim the lighting or have fun LED lighting. Play some funky music or some soulful music or some calming music. Consider your setting when planning for a fun date night! If you need ideas, there is an entertaining show on Netflix called “ How to build a sex room” for conservative couples all the way to the most exotic explorers!
And sure, check your hormones if you are concerned. If you have severe vaginal dryness, we can help you with that. We provide natural therapies for hormone health and have modalities like Femiwave to help women with the physical side of things like dryness, pain, and decreased sensitivity. Those procedures and treatments do amazing things but always consider the basics and you will have way more success having fun in the bedroom!
The resources are limitless! We believe the Creator made our bodies for Divine connection as our
bodies are also made for Divine healing. Reach out to Benton Integrative Medicine for Women's Sexual Health and Men's Sexual Health. We are here to help.
Sincerely,
Dr. Benton
704-775-6029
Huntersville and Denver Locations