Do you love your spouse but just don’t have the desire to have sex? There are many reasons as to why this happens; hormones, traumas, lack of interest, body image, and even micro-agressions. In this blog we will explore a few of the various challenges that could be contributing to this dilemma.
Micro - Aggression
"Micro” anger, or what is called “micro-aggressions” are small things someone does that make us angry and we hold that anger inside. For instance, when you say things like this about your partner: “can she just close the toothpaste lid?”, or “can he just help with the dishes sometimes?”, or “can she be more organized?” or “can he stop snoring”?
Sometimes we just hold on to these resentments without realizing. We meet with our friends and complain about our partner and lose sight of the reason we loved them in the first place. They are still attractive, they aren’t mean so why don’t we want to have sex? Well if we have subconscious anger, then why would we have libido? If we speak less than love about our love, then those words have power. We create our reality with words!! Now if you have a toxic marriage, then get counseling and leave if it can’t be repaired. If it isn’t beyond repair then really consider the words you use about your spouse. Start speaking love about them and to them. Create that reality that you desire and remember why you loved each other in the first place!
Parent Alone Time
Now what about kids? I truly believe that it is important to have mommy and daddy private time once they are old enough. The children will feel your sacred connection and without knowing why, they will see you model a healthy marriage. Then once or twice a month, get a baby sitter and have an extra long time to meditate into each other’s body.
The “Love Sandwich” may be a solution to your low libido issue. Set a time on your calendar daily to have a quick 10 minute love sandwich where you set intentions on the gratitude you have for your partner. Then you bring up something bothering you. The partners need to hear each other and not be defensive and maybe try to come up with a solution. Then give each other gratitude and love. If this isn’t working then it may be worth seeing one of the many amazing therapists for relationships and sex in the area. There are therapists who help with wound healing and trauma in the most beautiful ways.
Hormone Imbalance
Sometimes you may have hormone imbalances that affect mood and lubrication for women and erectile dysfunction for men. So many men put their full energy into their erections that represent their “manhood”. When women have vaginal dryness or they are no longer fertile, they often lose their sensuality.
More Than The Action
Sex is so much more than intercourse!! Sex is massage, sweet sticky notes, cooking together, cuddling during a movie, and so much more! Foreplay all day!! Once we recognize that our whole bodies can be sexual and sensitive, then we can continue to have amazing sex even when our bodies aren’t “performing” like when you are twenty years old.
We hope some of this discussion can help you have a more fulfilling, loving and sexual life with your spouse. If you have concerns about your health or are suspicious you have hormone issues, come see us at Benton Integrative for our affordable hormone program. We also have an excellent nutrition reboot program to help people get their health on track (did you know certain foods can even lower your libido?!). We also have specialized sexual health services to naturally enhance sexual satisfaction and address various intimate health concerns for both women and men. Also stay tuned for more of our Adult Sex Ed programs with myself and my beloved, Kyle Hall, to help bring connections to each other and learn to be creative in the most sacred way.
Sincerely,
Dr. Benton
704-775-6029
Huntersville and Denver Locations